Bush Lost in Latin Labyrinth!

This just in: An undisclosed White House source has disclosed that President George W. Bush has disappeared into the imaginary country of Uruguay. (Go ahead, find that on a map of the Middle-East!)

The president, who was accidently given a one-way ticket to visit South America, was reported to have found a kindred spirit in Uruguayan President Tabaré Vázquez. However, it is well known that Uruguay is a fictional country that exists only in the mind of a certain political theorist living in a rent controlled apartment on the Lower East Side (a fictional neighborhood of New York City). At this point, it is no longer clear who is running the country; however, nothing much seems to have changed. (Please note that in the NYTimes' article—see link above—Uruguay's population is stated to be half that of New York City. Do you need any more proof that Uruguay is actually located in New York City? I actually met a Uruguayan about twenty years ago. He lived in New York City.)

The D. C. rumor mill is grinding away. It is said that Veep Darth Vadar is behind the plot; having become infurriated with Democrats for not impeaching Bush, he hatched the plan to exchange Bush's round trip coach ticket with a one-way first class airfare. The Bush team, excited about the opportunity to get out of Washington during the bleak winter months, giddy as co-eds on their first spring break (See "Girls Gone Wild" episode 137), failed to notice the difference in tickets and were led to believe that they had simply received an "upgrade."

President Fidel Castro, in a show of magnanimity, offered to ship the Bush team Chinese made bycicles for the return trip. Castro, as everyone knows, has been in negotiations recently with the Disney people to turn Cuba into a theme park. Exactly how this fits into the conspiracy is not quite clear.

Speaking of Labyrinths: I have it on excellent authority than back in the 1970s the late Argentine writer, Jorge Borges, visited a Mid-Western university where he was the guest speaker. The univesity folks were justly proud that the great man had come to visit them, and they decided to hold a feast in his honor, serving only the very best Latin American and Spanish dishes. They hired an excellent chef, who was supervised by a Spanish woman of nobel birth, and the feast was truly magnificent. However, Borges, having long since gone blind and being in his eighties at the time, when he arrived at the great meal, refused to eat any of the delicacies that had been prepared. It seems that at this later period in his life he simply preferred to eat only canned soup, tomato soup. The fact that my source was a defrocked monk should in no way decline our acceptance of this story. Facts are facts, after all.

Today's definition: Post-modernism—the state of existance in which reality is routinely manufactured. See also French literary movement founded after World War II, in which French intellectuals discovered that, while they felt deeply moved, actually had nothing to say.