Bush's Energy Analysis:

President Bush, today, graced the country with his brilliant analysis of the rising cost of gasoline. The president carefully explained that the increased cost, which is having a debilitating effect on the nation's economy, is a direct result of the increased cost of the oil from which gasoline is refined. (The president did not use the word, "refined," to be perfectly honest.)

"The nation," gathered reporters were heard to say with awe, "is deeply indebted to this great man's leadership."

"Was that a white dove that landed on the Leader's shoulder?" someone in the back row asked.

"No, but a soft white light did grace his troubled brow."